paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
