Whod you bang
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
