ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
