is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
