been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
