she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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