I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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