How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
