There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
