check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
