my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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