I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
