I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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