Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize