The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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