why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
