I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize