She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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