Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
