I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
