i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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