Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
