what day is it and did you see me today?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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