Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
