I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
