please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
