You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
