Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
