we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Randomize
