so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
