I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
A+ Viking dick
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
