apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
