First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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