it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just gift wrapped bread.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
