new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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