I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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