I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
