He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
