This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize