I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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