Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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