smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
