I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
