doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
