We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
