so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
