so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
