You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
