Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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