I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
