We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
