At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
