I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
