i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
