ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
