i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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