And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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