I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
