my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
