I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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