You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
