i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
