Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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